The English Language...

[Paris Hilton]

REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my ! jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet,
are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,
that you comb through annals of history but not! a single annal? If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what
do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites,
while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be
hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?

Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into
someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable! ? And where
are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY
hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start
it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

[Kryton]

OMG make the pain in my head stop!
sucks to not speak english and have to learn it.

[FordFan86]

Nice reading, thanks selekta. English is one of the hardest languages to learn, behind japanese i think. It really is a marvelous thing tho.
Anyone read the book 1982? very intriguing...

[DivHunter]

Capatalisation is the difference between;

I helped my uncle Jack off a horse

and

I helped my uncle jack off a horse. (look I'm a farmar, I'm a farmer!)

English is for the dicserning and intelligent individual. That's why most speak Bad English. :P

[Polyal]

Originally Posted by FordFan86

Nice reading, thanks selekta. English is one of the hardest languages to learn, behind japanese i think. It really is a marvelous thing tho.
Anyone read the book 1982? very intriguing...

Actually I have found that speaking Japanese is easier than French/Italian.

After years of doing Japanese at school, I tried Italian and just could not do it. The teacher even cracked the shits at me.

Im trying to pick up French at the moment, and the pronounciation is a bitch. Japanese is concise atleast.

Nice thread by the way.

[bindi]

Originally Posted by Fairmont99

Capatalisation is the difference between;

I helped my uncle Jack off a horse

and

I helped my uncle jack off a horse. (look I'm a farmar, I'm a farmer!)

English is for the dicserning and intelligent individual. That's why most speak Bad English. :P

EWWWWW! That's gruesome! Yes, capitals are very important, especially in this particular case.

English is the hardest language to learn. My hubby's grandmother who spoke 10 languages said exactly that.

And even worse, email etc does not convey sarcasm, and in a place like this, hearing the sarcasm is extremely important! :hihi:

[Stevo]

arrrr my head is all screwed up after trying to read that : :

[Dave_au]

If quizzes are quizical - then what are tests?

[XWGT]

Originally Posted by Dave_au

If quizzes are quizical - then what are tests?

testing

[FordFan86]

I would have said Testicle....

[One Drone]

LOL love the jack off the horse joke.

[rodderz]

If a king is head of a kingdom, who is the head of a country?

Originally Posted by rodderz

If a king is head of a kingdom, who is the head of a country?

A count!