Depression, Anxiety

[nearlythere]

Thought I'd also share something I've learnt.Life doesn't really get any better the older you get I've just found you get stronger as you get older to deal with things you once found absolutely the worst thing ever!I've also found that life is like a battery you cannot have a positive without a negative or a negative without a positive or it just won't work, It all balances out. If life was 100 positive then it would be rather pointless wouldn't it. You'd never learn. never change and never grow to become a better version of yourself. Anyway, Some might agree with what I've said and some might not and that's ok.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by nearlythere

By the way opening up in front of other males is ALOT better than you think because we relate, So what I also suggest is to talk to other men in a similar situation as they will often give the best support. If GPs, therapists, shrinks and pills are helping you cope then that's great but alot of what your told and given band aid solutions to the underlying problems you are probably not even aware of. Alot reamin dormant and will arise again until you learn the best ways to cope that works for you as we are all different.Everything I've written is from my own experience and we all react differently to different types of assistance but that's mine and if it helps even one person then that's something. To anyone struggling just remember you matter! You're loved and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.God bless

Originally Posted by nearlythere

I get what you're saying but if you look around you'll see things aint what they used to be..
Chris Rock once said " Only women children and dogs are loved unconditionally.As a man in 2024 you are to sit down shut up and only be useful when required. We cannot cry or speak up without being seen as weak if we keep it up.Society now revolves around women, the LGBTQ community, gender equality, trans ect.Statistics on suicide regarding men is through the roof. 9 people a day in Australia take their own lives and 75% of those are men.I am 45 with a wife and 5 children and I have attempted to take my own life 3 times in the last 5 years. My kids are what give me the most strength.The things I've done and tried to pull myself out is exhausting but I'm still here.I have been to 3 GPs, therapists, shrinks and I got locked away in the mental ward for a while when I tried again to take my own life.NONE of these helped atleast not in the long run. It's all BS and you need to work it out yourself. Yes my family has been there for me but there is only so much others can do for you, you MUST help yourself and understand the world has changed and that basically no one is your court as much you think or like. After 30 years this is what I've learnt. I now sit back, keep 95% to myself and simply march forward. By finally figuring out that it's pretty much on me I'm coping better.Unless you've been where I and many other males have been then you or anyone else simply have no idea.

I'm so sorry to have raised these issues, it's such a touchy subject and genuinely hope you are in a better place to talk about it now.

No one wants to talk about these topics, but when the grim event happens, there seems to be a stigma around an apparent "easy way out". I watched this happen in real time as news spread about a family's co-worker taking his own life and leaving two young children behind. Terms like "selfish" and "easy way out" really help no one in this situation, and all I could think of was how lost that young man would have felt, not at the apparent selfishness of his actions.

And agree with you about males being stigmatized. In no way do I condone certain negative male-dominated behaviors, but its to the point now where being male is almost a "guilty till proven innocent" deal. And you see this permeating the entire of society. Perhaps the "warriors" out there advocating for female rights should have a little think about the adverse effect it can have on the male population that ISNT a rapist, an aggressive pig or objectifier. Probably said too much.

I also agree that everyone needs to find their own coping mechanisms. In my case, the path I took started with a GP who I trusted and was comfortable approaching, which in turn led to seeing a therapist who I also trust. Has this solved all of my problems? Not at all, I will always need "mental health maintenance". Before though, I was otherwise just coping in silence. Now, I have avenues to let it out, sometimes it takes me a little deeper, sometimes it affirms the progress I have made.

As I said at the start, I hope I haven't dragged something up that has hit a nerve, I would never intend to do that. Be well.

[nearlythere]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I'm so sorry to have raised these issues, it's such a touchy subject and genuinely hope you are in a better place to talk about it now. No one wants to talk about these topics, but when the grim event happens, there seems to be a stigma around an apparent "easy way out". I watched this happen in real time as news spread about a family's co-worker taking his own life and leaving two young children behind. Terms like "selfish" and "easy way out" really help no one in this situation, and all I could think of was how lost that young man would have felt, not at the apparent selfishness of his actions. And agree with you about males being stigmatized. In no way do I condone certain negative male-dominated behaviors, but its to the point now where being male is almost a "guilty till proven innocent" deal. And you see this permeating the entire of society. Perhaps the "warriors" out there advocating for female rights should have a little think about the adverse effect it can have on the male population that ISNT a rapist, an aggressive pig or objectifier. Probably said too much. I also agree that everyone needs to find their own coping mechanisms. In my case, the path I took started with a GP who I trusted and was comfortable approaching, which in turn led to seeing a therapist who I also trust. Has this solved all of my problems? Not at all, I will always need "mental health maintenance". Before though, I was otherwise just coping in silence. Now, I have avenues to let it out, sometimes it takes me a little deeper, sometimes it affirms the progress I have made. As I said at the start, I hope I haven't dragged something up that has hit a nerve, I would never intend to do that. Be well.

No you're absolutely fine mate by talking about it all you have not hit a nerve or anything with me at all. I have also witnessed many people ( all men ) taking their own lives over the last 15 years mostly. And yes 'selfish and easy way out' really sucks to hear because it couldn't be further from the truth. The mental torment sometimes is just to much and even your own children are not enough to save you. Now thats someone in a real bad way it's not someone being selfish, it's someone being to strong for to long.I'm glad you're doing ok, Sometimes we need to talk about these things no matter how grim and I really don't think anyone on this forum is going to deliberately make any of us feel any worse so speak up if you feel you'd like to I say. I also think talking to people with the same head issues and experiences is helpful as they can relate and can share coping mechanisms. My issues started at 16 in 1996 and at the time everyone including the docs thought i was just a nutty kid, I got zero help besides one pill that I am still taking because it's hell trying to get off them :( 95% I worked out myself. Anyway..Can I ask what triggers your anxiety or makes your depression worse? You can send a PM if you want

PS, I know somethings I've said may have contradicted what I said at the start of these comments but I have my reasons and when I'm talking to someone with some issues I want to help I suppose.

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by nearlythere

No you're absolutely fine mate by talking about it all you have not hit a nerve or anything with me at all. I have also witnessed many people ( all men ) taking their own lives over the last 15 years mostly. And yes 'selfish and easy way out' really sucks to hear because it couldn't be further from the truth. The mental torment sometimes is just to much and even your own children are not enough to save you. Now thats someone in a real bad way it's not someone being selfish, it's someone being to strong for to long.I'm glad you're doing ok, Sometimes we need to talk about these things no matter how grim and I really don't think anyone on this forum is going to deliberately make any of us feel any worse so speak up if you feel you'd like to I say. I also think talking to people with the same head issues and experiences is helpful as they can relate and can share coping mechanisms. My issues started at 16 in 1996 and at the time everyone including the docs thought i was just a nutty kid, I got zero help besides one pill that I am still taking because it's hell trying to get off them :( 95% I worked out myself.

Anyway..Can I ask what triggers your anxiety or makes your depression worse? You can send a PM if you want

PS, I know somethings I've said may have contradicted what I said at the start of these comments but I have my reasons and when I'm talking to someone with some issues I want to help I suppose.

The bulk of my anxiety stems from past grievances, which has me fretting over the possibility of those bad things happening again, so I drive myself insane trying my best to not repeat those events. That covers just about anything in my life.

The depression? It's usually a snowball effect from something I have absorbed, I'm far too sensitive for my own good. There are some specific points I know for sure contribute, but I'm not comfortable outlining those here.

[Interceptor]

what is really frustrating in my world right now is split between the people who are truly convinced that "talking" to a "professional" will somehow make all the problems go away, and the people who claim to care, when the reality is that simply knowing about where your head is at overwhelms them to the point where they blame you and then turn their back on you.

Right now, the world can consider it a good thing that I have a senior cat who has been abandoned before, and I dont want him to go through that again.

[FTE217]

kudos anyone posting personal challenges, we meaning us males have held far too much inside for decades let alone centuries.
We've moved on a little, least some let out their issues bit by bit, thats some healing right there imo.
Yes the stigma of the past to never show weakness or speak out has been a massive anvil.
You got to be able to speak to someone at least to let out, vent even.
Hard to correct whats broken but at least to try is worth it.

Interceptor, you know when you mention the people who claim to care is can be 2ways.
One yep they really DGAF and to me the other side the ones who show care maybe don't have an idea/understanding how to help.
My wife goes through nowadays some fuzzy minded mental health challenges.
I obviously care but have no idea how to help.
I say something and sometimes she takes it completely opposite and attacks me how/why did I say that.
I put my hands up, or honey sorry I really have NO idea what to advise or help.
Make an oppointment to talk to someone, though like me she then thinks shrinks ?
Talking to these so called pros sometimes I feel they open wounds that don't need to be openned anymore, far better leaving them in the vault.
Deal with the now what going on not the past - it may work for some and others not.
its a double edged sword this stuff got to say.
Damned if you do damned if you dont.

[FTE217]

Here's a scenario as a parent in todays world we are learning more as time moves on...and possibly some Dads here have gone through similar.
My wife's anxiety traits has passed onto our eldest son who is 32yrs (a luvely quiet fella and been one of those kids you never needed to worry of ) been with his now wife for over 8yrs.
A couple who will be great parents but for.....
She has many probs not being able to conceave so now its been the IVF pathway the last 5mths or so.
They are on their 1st mortgage not long ago, both work obviously and the costs involved here add more and more strain to couples who dream of having their own fam.
My boy is a worrier and after months of tests involved the good news is they are cleared moving to start IVF injections etcetc......
I have my fingers and toes crossed in the end success occurs later this year for if not I know my boy is going to go down a hole mentally as much as he'll try to look strong and for his better half.
Naturally me and Mum will be there for them both but I fear what I may have to deal with if its not a success.
Anyway something off my chest, shouldn't worry about what hasn't happenned yet as they say.
My wifes work colleague's daughter has been trying for years with no luck the poor thing probably why I have in my mind worries.

[Citroënbender]

Originally Posted by FTE217

…you know when you mention the people who claim to care is can be 2ways.
One yep they really DGAF and to me the other side the ones who show care maybe don't have an idea/understanding how to help.

A friend of mine is struggling post-separation and relocation to a Murray town. I reach out to her when I think of it, not on a calendar or clock basis. Sometimes she’s happy and chatty, other times anything from dead silent to caustically aggressive. It’s my “job” as a friend to weather all, best as I can - but it definitely makes you sometimes think at that moment, it’s all too hard; stop trying.

[Interceptor]

Last week, a friend and mentor ended his battle.
Saddest part for me is that it literally came out of the blue, everyone I know that knew him is stunned, nobody knows why, nobody knew he had any troubles, though clearly he did.

Literally, one day he was there, the next morning he wasnt.

The silence beforehand has everyone questioning themselves, there is a LOT of what if's.

Originally Posted by FTE217

You got to be able to speak to someone at least to let out, vent even.
other side the ones who show care maybe don't have an idea/understanding how to help.

Who do you turn to though, when the only people you trust or feel comfortable talking to, tell you "I cant deal with this, go away", or are the first to put you in cuffs and take you to the hospital for an evaluation that only serves to waste your time and nothing else?

Originally Posted by FTE217

Talking to these so called pros sometimes I feel they open wounds that don't need to be openned anymore, far better leaving them in the vault.

Unfortunately, talking to the "professionals" rarely, if ever actually fixes the problems at fault, and more often that not simply gets you medicated.

[Citroënbender]

I’m sorry that you lost a valued friend.

[FTE217]

Condolences Interceptor - real sad to read.

Agree mate who can you turn to even when those you know can’t understand.
It’s a terrible cycle.

Hope you’re doing ok.


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[RHR]

Well after 21 years of serving NSW it's now my time on the sideline. Never knew how debilitating anxiety could be. The most confronting thing was seeing the doc yesterday in a blubbering mess. Overwhelming feeling of embarrassment is what I'm struggling most with and the feeling of tapping out on my work mates.

On meds that make my head hurt and feel heavy. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

[danzvtil]

Originally Posted by RHR

Well after 21 years of serving NSW it's now my time on the sideline. Never knew how debilitating anxiety could be. The most confronting thing was seeing the doc yesterday in a blubbering mess. Overwhelming feeling of embarrassment is what I'm struggling most with and the feeling of tapping out on my work mates.

On meds that make my head hurt and feel heavy. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

Sorry to hear what you’re going through RHR, but I’m glad you’ve started the process with the doc. It’s ok to take the time to work on yourself, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

[Captain Stubing]

Originally Posted by RHR

Well after 21 years of serving NSW it's now my time on the sideline. Never knew how debilitating anxiety could be. The most confronting thing was seeing the doc yesterday in a blubbering mess. Overwhelming feeling of embarrassment is what I'm struggling most with and the feeling of tapping out on my work mates.

On meds that make my head hurt and feel heavy. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

Please try to find the reasons that put you in this position. There may have been the last straw to break your back, but something built you up to that point of breaking.

[FTE217]

RHR all the very best to you.
RU OK today and I hope you have support behind you - nothing to be embarrassed of we’re all human.


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[4ttl]

For me, getting outside for even a short walk made a difference—fresh air and a change of scenery can help clear your head. Talking to someone, whether it’s a friend or a professional, also lightens the load. It’s easy to shut down, but opening up, even a little, can make things feel more manageable.

[Interceptor]

Why is it so hard for people to understand that going to a "Mental health professional" for help isnt always going to achieve anything? yes, when you're experiencing problems in your life, action needs to be taken to fix whatever the problem is, but unless the *right* action is taken, you're only wasting precious time and resources.

[uranium_death]

Originally Posted by Interceptor

Why is it so hard for people to understand that going to a "Mental health professional" for help isnt always going to achieve anything? yes, when you're experiencing problems in your life, action needs to be taken to fix whatever the problem is, but unless the *right* action is taken, you're only wasting precious time and resources.

True to a point. When your brain is melting and in a deep fog, you need a professional to kick-start the reset or at least help you work towards it.

Mental health professionals aren't witchdoctors who wave a wand and fix things. However, they *should* have a better understand of the human psyche and its wiring. The key is to find the right professional for you - as you've implied.

I know somebody with anorexia nervosa, and they've been to multiple therapists but after over a decade, they've found the right one who has helped find a major core issue, and they're working on those things. It will be a slow road and the issue is ongoing, but at least they've gained some understanding of themselves and their upbringing - and they're making plans to deal with some of those things in a constructive way.

I saw a psychologist myself in late 2011 or perhaps early '12. Waste of time. He had no idea what my brain was doing and I get the feeling it was all an intellectual ****.

I saw a psychiatrist after that, and it did a lot of good, and helped me understand the doings that were a transpiring, and helped me understand what I could do to improve things. Meds also helped. It's sometimes a number of things.

I think mental health recovery is a two-way street though. You need a professional, but it isn't all on them. It also takes time.

I also accept that I will never be cured. It's about management from hereon.

Since that day, I have remained employed the entire time (except for 4 months when I was made redundant earlier this year and spent time piddling about), bought a house, nearly made a mistake in being engaged and then regained my freedom and subsequently understood my self-worth a lot more etc. so irrespective of what the above post may imply, many people still live "normal", productive lives despite whatever issues they're facing.

In fact, in my previous job there were other people with more serious issues but my own experiences and honesty meant we could talk and support each other.
Recovery is sometimes an ongoing process.

[Interceptor]

I'm still smacking my head against the wall that is people believing that talking to a "professional" is *the* cure-all of the mental health world.

Meanwhile, theres this;

"If I dont report you to the police and you commit suicide, ITS MY FAULT"

"If I report you to the police, its going to make you mad at me, and ITS MY FAULT"

*THAT* is why I've cut contact with you.

Yep, because thats how you help someone who first and foremost, is struggling with being alone. You walk away.

Its when I dont reach out to the any of the limited number of friends I have, when I dont say anything because nothing that will help will come of it, it leaves me on my own, fighting a losing battle with my demons, a battle I have no real interest in continuing.

Funny..... Situations caused by how isolated I've been for too long have been dealt with by isolating me further, and when being alone for too long starts to take its toll...

[Itsme]

Don't know if I interpreted your post correctly but here goes, have you ever thought people can really struggle to help you, where do they turn to trying to find someone to guide them in helping their loved ones who have depression or anxiety.
I have a brother who really has some serious issues with his mental health something I won't go into with details, this has been ongoing since 1969 after a bad car accident.
Throughout my teens & adult life I and my siblings have had to deal with him, trying all methods of help to no avail, this can make helping people very difficult when they at times refuse or acknowledge problems.
Since my mother's passing in 2000 my brother went completely off the rails so to speak, for many months this put a lot of undue pressure on me & my wife where I nearly lost my marriage, I had to make a difficult discission, him or myself.
I can honestly say this has made think I'm the biggest A** Hole abandoning my brother, what I'm supposed to do? It is also not a good position to be in at times trying to help loved ones, I have had to seek help myself because of this and this has made feel guilty to this very day.
I'm not trying to guilt trip you in any way but spare a thought of those trying to help you, it is not easy as one can imagine.
In my opinion it cuts both ways.

[Vekgib]

Black dog nipping at my heels after some rough news at home. Been trying to keep busy going for walks and doing odd jobs around the house to keep my mind active. In between getting enough sleep after working nights. Off to see the GP this afternoon just to have a chat and unload what's happened.

[Citroënbender]

We’ll be here, even if it’s excitement on par with folding socks.

[Vekgib]

Ah. Yes. Folding socks. Spent many a great Saturday night with a hot cocoa and a Milk Arrowroot biscuit, listening to Blue Hills while folding my socks.
Lashed out one night and had a Scotch Finger biscuit instead. What a night that was.

[Syndrome]

Originally Posted by Vekgib

Ah. Yes. Folding socks. Spent many a great Saturday night with a hot cocoa and a Milk Arrowroot biscuit, listening to Blue Hills while folding my socks.Lashed out one night and had a Scotch Finger biscuit instead. What a night that was.

When your mind is not calm trying reading (or listening to audiobooks).

[DFB FGXR6]

Originally Posted by Syndrome

When your mind is not calm trying reading (or listening to audiobooks).

I've has this go both ways. Sometimes a book takes you to another place, sometimes it can dig that hole deeper to fall down. Last year I read a book that while captivating, it actually drove me deeper into depression.

As always, everyone deals with things differently. Without pointing fingers, but sometimes people constantly telling you what to do wears you down more than the depression itself. You know the sort, "you should.....", "why don't you....". "don't do........", "you need to..............."

[Rallye Sport]

Originally Posted by Vekgib

Ah. Yes. Folding socks. Spent many a great Saturday night with a hot cocoa and a Milk Arrowroot biscuit, listening to Blue Hills while folding my socks.
Lashed out one night and had a Scotch Finger biscuit instead. What a night that was.

It seems not to have affected you're sense of humor....
Good luck with it all and sincerely, thanks for the laugh

[Vekgib]

Originally Posted by Rallye Sport

It seems not to have affected you're sense of humor....
Good luck with it all and sincerely, thanks for the laugh

No problem. Glad you got a guffaw out of it.
Trip to the GP went well. Was good to unload some stuff, knowing that there would be no judgement. Still not great, but can see that my depression, this time around, won't be as deep and dark as some other times.
Thanks for being there peeps.

[Syndrome]

Originally Posted by Vekgib

No problem. Glad you got a guffaw out of it.Trip to the GP went well. Was good to unload some stuff, knowing that there would be no judgement. Still not great, but can see that my depression, this time around, won't be as deep and dark as some other times.Thanks for being there peeps.

Another suggestion. Don't be alone. If unable to find people then head to one of those pokies venues. Full of lonely people some of which are open for a conversation.

[Syndrome]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I've has this go both ways. Sometimes a book takes you to another place, sometimes it can dig that hole deeper to fall down. Last year I read a book that while captivating, it actually drove me deeper into depression. As always, everyone deals with things differently. Without pointing fingers, but sometimes people constantly telling you what to do wears you down more than the depression itself. You know the sort, "you should.....", "why don't you....". "don't do........", "you need to..............."

A good author is supposed to write a story which takes you places. Choose your genre carefully.

[blueoval]

Just heard today that ol mate 'Pottery Beige' just passed away.