Please Magically Fix my Car

[Crazy Dazz]

Hi, I'm new here and my car is broken.

I would like you to fix it using the magic of the internet.

Obviously I am not going to tell you what type of car it is, or what's wrong with it, that's where the magic part comes in.
Nor can you derive any clue from the location of my post, since naturally I have done my best to put it in the least relevant forum.

I have either checked everything, or checked nothing. (See Schrödinger's Cat for more explanation.)

Please don't suggest any tests, because obviously they won't work.
Again, magic is the key here.

Please don't bore me with explanations.
I have no interest in learning about my car, nor even the most basic concepts of mechanics and/or physics. However I am more than happy to complain about any professionals who attempt to help me.

I am extremely angry about this. My car is only 20 years old so this is clear evidence that all cars are **** and I should be entitled to compensation.
If you cannot magically fix my car I am going to run it over with a tank.